updates; finding myself

Finding myself has truly been one of the most excruciating but rewarding experiences of my life.

For the past year, I've been concentrating on who I am as a human. I realized so many things:

I love people. 

 Despite the differences, I love understanding who people are for themselves. I love seeing their personalities unfold with every conversation and connected heartstring. I love watching people in their element. I love challenging people and being challenged by them. I love how no two stories are ever the same.

I thrive on creativity.

I don't understand corporate life. I hate how people are okay with being robots at work. I don't like routine. I love learning with my hands. I actually enjoy making mistakes now, because I appreciate the growth I reap.

Love is so beautiful.

I was quite reluctant about finding love because I was scared of partnership. I only tried because I thought it was mandatory to find a partner. But once I let every false expectation go, I found the sweetest love that challenges me as a person but heals me as a giver and receiver of love. I created a life with someone who loves me for who I am. And now that I'm comfortable with this level of vulnerability, I want to love on my friends even more ferociously than I did before.

Healing is hard.

I hate the days when I feel stunted because it makes me feel like I didn't do enough. But in retrospect, I've come so far with my journey that it's hard to quit no matter how hard it gets. I've been much kinder to myself, I prioritized my health (for once), and I'm forgiving myself for the things I never could before.

My relationship with Christ is unfolding.

I grew up in a very corrupted Christian system, and Christianity was almost a joke to me at one point. I hated how superficial people were. I was extremely turned off at how fake people were to be deacons and head leaders. I saw leaders traumatize their families but become such different people on Sundays. Once I claimed my faith for myself, everything changed. God was no longer an angry dictator who made us feel guilty for sinning. He is the kindest being who loves His children for who they are. He is forgiving of our sins and always encourages us to be better. He shows humility through the good and the bad. He accepts me for who I am. How can you not love that?

I'm becoming who I've always wanted to be.

I hope and wish that you also find this peace resonating in my heart. Whether it be from a simple conversation or a wild realization, happiness is destined to be your strength.

I'm back to creating, so please let me know if there are any topics you'd like me to touch on!