Willow Beach

After several months of self-destruction, I finally decided to call him.

My breath cut short when I heard him answer the phone half-heartedly.

"What."

Classic.

"Hey, um... I know you've been busy with a lot in your life, but can I see you?"

"Why?"

"It's just, I need to tell you something. But I'll never ask for your time again."

I never knew that ten seconds of silence could feel like ten years.

"Fine. Willow Beach?"

"Willow Beach."

I started driving with music blaring from my speakers, but my thoughts were screaming for attention. So I drove the remaining hour with nothing but the gentle whirring of my car, soft sunlight, and a million different sentences in my head.

What am I supposed to say first to him? I've never had to "break up" with a friend. It sounds weird, I know. To be fair, it was always time that did the magic, but it ruined this relationship even more. Should I tell him that I missed him? Or should I just straight-up start yelling at him? I wonder if he'll just get up and leave at any point. Maybe I should have just told him everything over the phone.

I parked at our usual spot and looked around. His car wasn't anywhere to be seen, which was normal. He was always late anyway. But instead of waiting for him inside, I decided to take in Willow Beach by myself for the last time. I slowly got out of my car as the warm salty air greeted me again.

Nobody knew about this beach. I found it myself while I was driving to my cousin's house. I told all of my friends about it, but none of them seemed interested in it except him. He was the first one to light up and commanded me to bring him here.

I looked out to the small waves inviting me in.

"Hey."

I turned around abruptly. He stood behind me with hands in his pockets and a cigarette slowly burning from his mouth.

"When did you start smoking again? I thought you quit?"

"Like, a couple of months ago."

"Does your mom know?"

"Did you make me come all the way here to lecture me?"

I stopped. Someone who I've known for years was suddenly a stranger to me. I tried to excuse his rudeness with his natural indifference for the world, but I was not going to make any excuses for that anymore. I turned back to the ocean and started walking, as I heard him follow me with his heavy footsteps.

I parked myself on a nearby rock above the shoreline as he leaned against it two feet away from me. He tossed his cigarette into the sand and kept his gaze fixated on the extinguishing light. We shared silence for another minute. He was waiting for me to say something, and I wanted to say so many things to fill up that silence but no thought was brave enough to face his detached attitude. I straightened my back and inhaled another wave of the salty air for confidence.

"You know, you've changed a lot recently. You've been ignoring me for the longest time while spending time with your friends. I know you're busy with work and all, but how can you say that you absolutely have no time for me when I know that you're obviously spending it-"

"What are you trying to say? We're just friends, so stop sounding like a jealous girlfriend."

I snapped.

"I sound like a jealous girlfriend for wanting an hour of your time as a friend? Is it so wrong for me to ask for the bare minimum from someone who's supposed to be my brother? What about all the other times when I gave you my time because you needed or wanted it with no hesitation? What about when I literally dropped everything just to be with you when you were having a hard time? What about-"

"You didn't need to do that for me-"

"But I did because you're my friend. I don't need to do anything for you. I don't need you to ask me to do things for you. I do things from my heart because I care about you."

For the first time, he had nothing else to say.

I looked back at our relationship while waiting for him to respond. What went wrong? Maybe it was timing. To be fair, he was getting busy with his new job while I was freshly out of college. Maybe it was because he was moving way too fast and felt like he couldn't keep people like me in his life. Or it could be just an emotional disconnect. Maybe he's still logged out... Was I selfish for wanting his time, or was he an asshole for knowing that and not caring?

"Then stop caring for me."

Really? Was that all you could think of?

"Really, is that what you truly want?"

"Yeah, that'd be great."

He looked at my eyes for the first time in months. I didn't realize how his eyes were so darkened underneath. It looks like he earned some new wrinkles from sleepless nights. His cheeks were sunken in and his face was slowly turning grey. I could no longer recognize the friend I felt so close to. We were the only ones who could understand each other. We were the only ones who could feel the same things at the same time with no means to explain it. But I guess I could never understand someone so different from the world. Maybe he's not meant to be understood at all.

"I will continue to support your growth from far away. But if you don't want me as a sister, or even as a friend, then I will let you go."

I stood up and looked out into the ocean.

"I'm never coming back to Willow Beach."

He looked down at his sand-covered shoes.

"Why?"

"This used to feel like my home, but I think I grew out of it. I think it's time for me to continue without it; I want to move on."

I jumped off the rock and started walking back to my car. I didn't expect him to say anything. I didn't want him to say anything. Whether it be a desperate call for redemption or just another smug remark, simply nothing seemed better than anything at that point.

Willow Beach was permanently closed off the next day. 

 Apparently, there was a small fire that burned off most of the willow trees.

I wonder if he did it on purpose...